can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
