thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
