What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
