Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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