I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
