found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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