We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
