so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
