Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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