he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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