Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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