The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
