I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
