dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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