And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
