I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
a search helicopter?!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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