Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
