so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
