if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
