I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
