did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
