I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
