just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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