Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
