can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
