I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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