I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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