so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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