I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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