i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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