does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
