Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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