So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
