i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
