im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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