Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
