Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
