Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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