What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The beer is more important than you right now.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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