Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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