I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize