Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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