we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
