his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
