please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
