like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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