you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
