I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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