All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
