I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
