Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
try to milk me bitch
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