Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
