tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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