I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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