So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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