I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Less talking, more tequila
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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