Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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