It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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