he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize