Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
