His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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