Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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