perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
