i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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