I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
