Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
