Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
